Variety Box
One bag of each. Filed for subjects unable to choose, who are no longer asked to.
One of each · 4 bags · 18 oz
All four open cases in a single carton: Ranch Hand, Unlawful Heat, Black Magic, and Cheese Offense, one 4.5 oz bag apiece. The Division assembled it after reviewing correspondence from subjects who ordered one flavor, finished it, and immediately wrote in about a different one.
Priced at the six-bag rate, which the accounting office has described as "generous" and the kitchen has described as "the point." No substitutions: the box contains one of each, and the Division considers the composition settled.
Pack size
Pre-order
The first run was consumed faster than projected, a failure of forecasting the Division has decided to describe as "demand." The second run is in production. Reserve yours now with an email — no card, no charge today. We confirm before anyone pays, and pre-orders ship first.
- ▸ Quality control: rigorous. Flavor control: failed.
- ▸ Free shipping on orders over $40, applied when the run ships
- ▸ 4.5 oz per bag — a regulation sharing size, rarely shared
- ▸ Ships flat-rate anywhere in the US when the run is released
What you're tasting
- R-001 Ranch Hand — buttermilk, dill, garlic
- H-002 Unlawful Heat — smoked chile, garlic
- S-003 Black Magic — brown sugar, vinegar, chile
- C-004 Cheese Offense — aged cheddar, tomato, chili
Goes well with
- Subjects who cannot commit and resent being asked to
- Households operating under conflicting flavor mandates
- Gifts for people who have opinions about popcorn
What's in the box
Ranch Hand
from $18
Buttermilk, dill, and garlic at levels the Division can only describe as deliberate.
Unlawful Heat
from $18
Smoked chile and garlic applied past the point of oversight. Flavor first. Heat immediately after.
Black Magic
from $18
Sweet, tangy, and hot, found operating together. The Division cannot explain why it works.
Cheese Offense
from $18
Aggressive nacho cheese. It will get on your fingers, and it will stay there.